Budget airline Ryanair has offered to assist with the Kabul evacuation – if people are willing to take a short bus journey to Uzbekistan.
With the Taliban now in control of the Afghan capital, Kabul international airport has been inundated with thousands of people desperate to catch flights out of the country.
“The low-cost airline industry is all about supply and demand,” said Simon Williams, Ryanair’s Head of Asian Operations.
“The situation in Kabul shows there is definitely a lot of demand for flights, so why shouldn’t we get involved?
“People have been waiting for 15 hours at Kabul airport without food or water. Why should they have to put up with that when one of our rude cabin crew can sell them half a litre of tap water for £5.60? Or a luxury butter sandwich for £9.99?
“Obviously getting planes to Kabul itself would be far too difficult and expensive. However, we’re offering an evacuation service from Tashkent, the capital of Uzbekistan, conveniently situated only 1,151 km away.
“A short nineteen-hour bus journey – on one of our special buses with no air-conditioning and standing room only – will grant potential evacuees the welcome sight of an accessible terminal building and quiet runway.
“People will even be allowed to fly to the same country as their loved ones for a small fee of £389.
“What price freedom? Well, if I’m being honest, given anticipated levels of demand, probably about ten grand per person all in.
“And as soon as enough people have made it across the border to Tashkent we can then cancel all the flights – maximum inconvenience doesn’t just happen by accident, you know!”