Saturday 14 August 2021 by Mark Molloy

Fantasy football fans excited to watch every single one of their players suddenly become absolutely shit


Man doing fantasy football team

Fantasy football players all over the UK are ready, set and excited to start up their season again today while watching every single one of the players they picked suddenly play like absolute shite.

As Premier League football finally returns this weekend after almost three months off, millions of fantasy football fans have been spending days on end tinkering with their team, just to see every player they finally settled on have the worst game of football they have ever fucking played.

Simon Williams, who has spent £40 on 4 different mini-leagues, told us, “Right I’m ready, I’m not changing my pissing team again – I’m sick of it.

“I know exactly what’s going to happen already anyway, it’s the same routine every single year.

“I’ll fuck about moving players around for about two weeks beforehand, trying to fit every single good player there is into my team within the budget.

“Then I will finally settle on four or five really expensive players and fill the rest of the team with a load of dross from teams like Brighton or Newcastle.

“And shock fucking horror, any decent player who I actually think will do well for me will suddenly become instantly shit overnight.

“I may as well throw my pissing money down the drain.”

Asked who he has picked as captain this week he told us, “Well, I’ve gone for Grealish, so either Pep will leave him on the bench, or he’ll play but get fucking sent off in the fifth minute.”

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