“We were asleep in bed” say parents of latest Olympic medal winner

In a televised interview this morning, Derek and Eireen Williams have confirmed that they were both fast asleep in bed when their daughter won an Olympic medal, it has been reported.

Derek told us, “Me and the wife got a call from the producer at GMB asking us to appear on the show this morning.

“We thought maybe that Andy Peters was popping round to tell us we’d won that motor home and ten grand tax-free cash.

“No such luck. Turns out they wanted to interview us for our littleun’s Olympic thing over in whatsitcalled

“Aye, Japan. That’s the one.

“They wanted to ask us what we were doing when she won her medal and if we had all the family round for a party.

“Had the family round? Eh? It was four in the bloody morning! Did they think I had me elderly mum round drinking pina coladas with a glitterball going full pelt?

“No, at four in the morning I was engaged in the third of my five semi-conscious visits to the privy.

“So that’s exactly what I told Ben Shepherd. He weren’t happy, mind, was he love?”

Eireen responded, “No. He’s got such dreamy eyes though. Such a lovely boy.

Derek continued, “Alright, you.

“He then asked why we weren’t wearing matching t-shirts with her face on. I dunno what he was in about. It was seven in the morning. He should be lucky I was wearing my Terry towelling dressing gown.

“Anyhow, according to that Kate Garraway, she only got a silver medal, so she’s clearly room for improvement.

“I’ll tell her same whenever I see her next. She’s always round at her boyfriend’s, so God knows when that’ll be. He’s got an eyebrow piercing. That’s all I’m saying.

“And where was that Susanna Reid? I much prefer her.

“It was all a complete waste of time if you ask me.”