Friday 6 August 2021 by James Backhouse

Environmentalist Margaret Thatcher sank General Belgrano to create habitat for rare sea life, insists Boris Johnson


Boris Johnson on Margaret Thatcher

After remarking that Margaret Thatcher’s closing of the coal mines kick-started the fight against climate change, Boris Johnson has put her other controversies into the proper eco-friendly context.

“On that fateful day in 1982,” said Mr Johnson, “the Sustainable-Iron-Alternative Lady took a brave decision when she heard the General Belgrano was sailing outside the exclusion zone but inside the habitat of the endangered Patagonian Whistling Prawn.

“Ordering the cruiser to be sunk as a new home for the dejected decapods was the only responsible action to take in the interests of Mother Nature, and of course the British Task Force, the original eco-warriors.

“Furthermore, the funds raised from her community charge – or so-called poll tax – were to be devoted entirely to green initiatives, and its tragic cancellation is directly responsible for the unseasonal weather we’ve been having lately.

“Except the unusually good weather, which is directly due to Mrs Thatcher closing the coal mines, as I explained earlier.

“She ended free school milk because of the methane from dairy herds, her hair was actually hand-woven from sustainable hemp, the list goes on and on… It’s no coincidence that if you rearrange the letters of Margaret Thatcher, and add ‘gnub’ and rearrange that too, you get Greta Thunberg H Tarmac.

“In fact, all young Greta needs now is a blue power suit and a handbag and I’m sure the Scandinavian scamp will soon whip the environment into shape, one trade union at a time.”

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