Friday 6 August 2021 by Lucas Wilde

Is this immigrant coming to steal a BRITISH job?!!


Lionel Messi

Lionel Messi is coming to take an English job, probably.

The Argentinian, who isn’t even very tall, and comes from Rosario, which is a suspiciously girly sounding place if ever there was one, has left the foreigner-infested football club of Barcelona and is rumoured to be COMING OVER HERE AND NICKING AN ENGLISH JOB!

“It’s a disc race,” confirmed hard-working Brit, Simon Williams.

“That spot at Manchester City could have been mine. I’ve lived and worked here all my life.

“Granted, I’m 39 years old with no aptitude for football and the fitness of an asthmatic hippo, but that’ not the point. Thassabrishjobthatis.

“But that’s irrelevant. It’s the ENGLISH Premier League. Clue’s in the name pal. Just because a dog plays scintillating, fluid football in a stable don’t make him a horse, does it?”

Manchester City spokesperson, Jay Cooper, said, “We’ve taken Simon’s comments on board.”

“…I mean, I say that, we were near him while he was talking and we nodded along politely. We were thinking about other things at the time. Namely how much we’re dying to win the Champion’s League and we will give over our firstborn children to Lionel Messi if that’ what it takes to get him here.”

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