Opinionated Brexiter Carole Malone, famous for her columns in the Daily Express and turning to stone any Greek hero who looks into her eyes, has criticised the European Union for its role in making her suffer the predictable consequence of her own stupid actions.
Appearing on yet another TV show that thinks constant rage at modernity is an opinion, she explained her fury at the sinister Eurocrats whose malice ensured that what was meant to be a pleasant cold treat became a sticky puddle on the back seat of her Range Rover.
Malone told viewers, “This shows why leaving this socialist conspiracy was such a brilliant idea. But now we are free and everyone in Luxembourg is envious of the amazingly efficient way we bury our COVID dead, so they take their revenge by using a chain of events that any cretin could have foreseen.
“How many patriotic Britons have been forced to pay extortionate cleaning fees because those busybodies in Brussels used the yearly axis tilt of the earth to increase temperatures and liquify ice lollies left on the back seat in the mid-afternoon sun?
“And don’t think I didn’t notice that the EU does not melt the ice cream of remainers and people who remember the basic heat reaction they have witnessed all their lives.
“But it won’t work. This kind of petty revenge just makes me more adamant that foreigners are evil and I’ll keep chucking unwrapped frozen treats all over the place and then be outraged that the wasps follow me around. I’ve got a Zoom in my purse and a choc ice over my keyboard as we speak.
“Take that Barnier!”