Tuesday 3 August 2021 by Arabin Patson

Neil Oliver bravely pledges to enter childrens’ chemo wards and spit on them for freedom


Neil Oliver happy to infect any he comes across

Neil Oliver, a former TV archaeologist now turned heroic plague rat, has struck a blow for freedom by promising to submit people with severely compromised immune systems to a barrage of infections, causing him to be praised across the land for his sense of sacrifice.

GB News fan and dedicated anti-masker Simon Williams, was one of many to admire the avuncular Scotsman’s dedication to the welfare of others.

“He’s such a great man. I try to do my bit for liberty by handing out printed interpretations of Magna Carta to minimum wage employees in service jobs whenever they ask me to abide by some basic rules. But Neil has really gone all out by swearing that he’d infect people at high risk of dying instead of following some basic hygiene precautions or growing up and taking a simple shot.

“As a veteran of many World War 2 reenactments, I see in Neil the same kind of bravery that allows people in their sixties to constantly refer to a conflict they had no part in when discussing contemporary attitudes.

“Neil, like Albion, stands alone against the tyrannical forces of government overreach and basic consideration for other humans.”

However, some have accused Mr Oliver of being disingenuous in his commitment to spreading disease and claim that it is part of a broader strategy by GB News.

Critics of the fledgling channel point to its recent attempts at creating buzz by trying to defund one of the UK’s most loved charities as well as having a Scottish man who looks like he plays the banjo promise to kill your nan.

Industry insiders predict the channel will soon abandon all topical commentary to solely focus on middle-aged white men saying what made them angry today.

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