Woman suffering from gout really wants to hear your joke about drinking port

A woman who is suffering from gout has admitted that she is really looking forward to hearing your joke about drinking too much port.

“No, I reckon your joke will be brilliant,” said Eleanor Gay, who is currently unable to walk.

“I’m sat here feeling like someone has just hammered a rusty nail through my foot. I literally can’t do anything other than take fairly strong pain-killers that don’t really make a dent in it.

“What I’m really, really hoping for is that you tell me your hilarious joke about how I need to stop drinking too much port. That will really turn everything around and make it all better.”

Ms Gay has suffered on and off with gout for seven years now, and has never heard any jokes about drinking too much port.

“Not once. Never. You tell people that you’ve got gout and quick-as-a-flash, they immediately don’t tell you a hilarious joke about drinking too much port. Never heard one.

“It’s a shame really, because when I’m sat on the sofa in the middle of the night watching old episodes of Hart to Hart because I’m in far too much pain to actually sleep, what would really help is someone telling me a hilarious joke about drinking too much port.”

In related news, a man who told a hilarious joke about drinking too much port to another gout sufferer is currently in hospital and is expected to make a full recovery.