Wednesday 4 August 2021 by Gary Stanton

Vaccine Inventor Barbie’s boyfriend Ken is anti-vax Covid denier


Vaccine Barbie

After a new Barbie doll based on Oxford vaccine creator Dame Sarah Gilbert was revealed, it has emerged that her male equivalent, Ken, is a Covid-denying arsehole.

The new range of toys from Mattel has been designed to accurately reflect the times, so Ken comes with his own Internet connection, laptop computer and Intensive Care Unit (batteries not available).

Despite a heavily compromised immune system – the result of him consisting entirely of plastic – Ken rails against ‘Big Pharma’ by means of a tiny pull-cord hanging out of his back passage.

And during a series of string-based communications from his synthetic rear-end, Ken denounced his girlfriend’s vaccine, telling reporters that, had he been gifted with genitals, he’d much rather shag the blonde original.

Ken added, “Hey sheeple! Did you know Covid is a government conspiracy and that all the doctors and nurses are in on it?

“What say we go picket a hospital?”

Meanwhile, Dame Sarah Gilbert admitted that she found the new creations strange at first, but after a few minutes spent bored out of her skull, she got them to shag by stripping them, then clacking them together while going “uh uh uh.”

Gilbert said, “Ken was always a bit of a prick, but every girl loves a hunk with a fast car and I’m no different.”

Last night Mattel confirmed they are working on a new doll of Piers Corbyn, which comes with a pre-frontal lobotomy, ten thousand pounds worth of fake money and an oddly silent brother called “Jez”.

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