Daily Mail readers delighted that completely fictional foreigners are furious at Boris for depriving them of their ‘cashpoint in the sky’

author avatar by 2 years ago

Several money-grubbing swarthy foreigners, that only exist in the fevered imagination of Daily Mail readers, have expressed great anguish that the PM has cut off their access to oodles of British taxpayer cash that was completely unmonitored in any way.

Ali Bin Evilmuslim, an oversexed terroristic layabout concocted by angry curtain-twitchers in Surrey, explained that the government’s decision to reduce foreign aid had completely ended his ambitions to build a gaudy mansion using British money.

He said, “Out here in Scarybrownfolkstan, foreign aid was our primary source of income. When I wanted £50,000 to buy explosives to make some shoe-bombs for my 18 children, I would just take my Bank of Muggins card to a cashpoint and get the money. Because foreign aid has absolutely no criteria for disbursement or any sort of monitoring.

“Now I fear that some British civil servant might have to fill in some forms justifying the allocation of state funds which foreign aid never did because that’s how things work.”

Simon Williams, a Tory voter who would struggle to name more than ten countries, said he supported the move to end Foreign Aid because he’d “had enough of Johnny Imaginary being given billions just to claim asylum and wear turbans.”

He continued, “I’m glad Boris cut off their gravy train. We spend more money giving free meals to ISIS brides than we do on building hospitals and that’s a fact. Now the aid money is back in the hands of the FCO, which never cosies up to highly objectionable weapon-buying psychopaths.

“Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to invent then get angry at some shitfless Romanian gypsies that milk the nanny state while simultaneously stealing British jobs in the NHS.”