England team slammed for promoting anti-English values of tolerance, decency and kindness

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There is growing anger against the England football team for their continued attempts to promote anti-English values such as decency, kindness, and tolerance.

Sir Simon St John Williams, MP for Upper Bottomy, launched a furious broadside against the team earlier.

“This country is not about decency, tolerance and kindness. Those aren’t English values, never bally well have been. The values that made this country great are doing as your told, knowing your place, and letting your betters take charge of things that don’t concern you.

“These bally footballers should learn those values, stick to them, and stop trying to promote their ghastly Marxist nonsense to simple English folk.”

Prime Minister and twice-winner of Lying Bastards Monthly’s Man of the Year, Boris Johnson, was similarly critical.

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“I think they did tremendously well in the recent World Cup of Europe, but all this talk of decency, kindness and tolerance needs to stop now.

“It’s not something we do in this country. It would upset the undercurrent of grievance, anger and cynicism that fuels our very way of life.

“Can you imagine if their values became the values of this great country? People would be happy, they would help people who are struggling, and everyone would feel valued and loved.

“That sort of thing could lead to not selling any newspapers, rich people having to pay their taxes and, perhaps most worryingly, Tories not winning any elections.

“That’s certainly not an England I want to see.”

It is understood the Tories plan to fight back against the football players by having their fan club newsletters – The Daily Mail, The Express, and the Daily Telegraph – publish some nonsense about how the footballers choose to spend their money.

It is thought unlikely to work.