The England football team – henceforth to be known as Dynamo Airstrip One – have unveiled new team colours for the big game tonight.
The new outfit is a major departure from the old red-and-white, and is composed of a drab greenish-brown trench coat with plenty of room to pin medals on, and a bunch of hats that were found in a box outside Jeremy Corbyn’s house.
Responding to allegations that the squad had adopted Marxist ideals, team commissar Gareth Southovitch said that nothing could be further could be from the truth and team dogma is in fact rigorously Trotskyite.
Team preparation has involved self-criticism sessions, with Saka recognising his form has been below par and pledging to do better or be sent to the salt mines – or to go and play for Aston Villa, whichever is worse.
Describing the strategy his team will adopt on the pitch tonight, Southovitch said “We will backpass without backsliding and counterattack without being counterrevolutionaries.”
Asked if his team would take the knee before the match, Southovitch went on to say that taking is what capitalists do with the surplus productivity of the workers, and instead the knee will be publicly owned by all.