Tuesday 15 June 2021 by Mark Molloy

Wedding parties relieved as drunken jumping on the spot to ‘Come on Eileen’ confirmed as not actually ‘dancing’


Dancing at a wedding

Wedding parties have breathed a huge sigh of relief today after it was revealed that jumping around like an idiot on the spot and screaming ‘Come on Eileen’ with no discernable pattern of movement is not actually considered as ‘dancing’, an activity banned by the government.

Further clarification on the matter has also found that standing in a circle staggering around kicking your legs to New York New York is also not classed as a ‘dance’ in any way shape or form.

Dance expert, and Strictly come dancing fan Simon Williams confirmed, “Nope, not dancing, either of them, so fill your boots.

“Look, the government has been very clear in its guidance on this matter, in that dancing it not allowed indoors, so we can be very clear in our guidance of what dancing actually is.

“Jumping around to Chumbawumba with a pint in your hand and a tie around your forehead with a distinct lack of rhythm or any self respect whatsoever, is not dancing.

“Nor is sitting in a line hitting each side of a dirty dance floor with your hands and moving forwards and backwards saying ‘Oops Up Side Your Head’ for three minutes.

“These are all perfectly legitimate passtimes as far as we are concerned as there is no actual dancing involved at all in any of these songs.”

Asked if there are any dances he would agree do fall under the government’s banned category he told us, “I suppose an Argentine Tango, or Viennese Waltz would have to be banned, if it’s done very well, by two trained dancers.”

There are currently witterings below - why not add your own?

Previous post:

Next post: