Tuesday 11 May 2021 by Frances Ward

Man totally nonplussed at the prospect of passionately embracing his best-friend


Man offering hug to friend

Simon Williams shrugged an ambivalent ‘whatever’ after the realisation that he is a mere seven days away from being able to man-hug his best friend Dave with pure ambivalence.

Williams said, “Everyone’s making a big fuss about hugging and all that. But it’s not as if Dave and I went in for any of that.

“I mean, yeah, we would very occasionally give each other a very regular, standard hug. A bear-hug is a better description. You know, very animalistic and rough. Wait, no. Just very regular and totally normal guy stuff.

“Anyway, it was hardly ever. You know, every Friday and Saturday night. Watching footy. Playing footy – in person and on the XBox.

“Only when we scored a goal though. Or nearly scored. Or before the game. Just for good luck. And at the end of the game to celebrate – slash – commiserate.

“Or that time we unexpectedly bumped into each other while out shopping with our girlfriends.

“So, yeah, other than that, hugging is not really something we do. But I can’t wait to hug my mum. That’s an obvious one, I’ll own up to that one.

“Not Dave, though. To be honest, now it’s been so long, Dave might not even want to do it anymore. Maybe he doesn’t,” concluded Simon with a pensive sigh.

Simon’s girlfriend, Sally said, “They are meeting up at one minute past twelve next Sunday for a ‘catch up,’ apparently. They didn’t even do that when pub gardens opened.

“Just admit you need to hug your best mate, you weird prick.”

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