Voters will have to prove they intend to vote Tory before being allowed to vote

author avatar by 3 years ago

New legislation is set to be introduced that will compel voters to prove that they intend to vote Tory before they are allowed to cast their ballot.

The new legislation is intended to cut down on voter fraud as the assumption is that if you’re voting Tory then you’re probably a decent sort of chap, rather than the sort of godless communist who would sink to any level to prevent a decent Tory chap using his God-given right to govern.

In order to prove the intention to vote Tory, a voter would be able to make a legal affirmation as to who they intend to vote for, or say something overtly racist, or just wear a pair of stupid, f**king red chinos.

“Excellent idea,” said Colonel Sir Barrington Cholmondeley Buttress Buttress Racist Carmichael III.

“There was one instance of voter fraud at the last election – yes, a whole one incident – so it’s important we move quickly to quash this before it gets out of hand.

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“I think that proving one intends to vote Tory before voting is entirely reasonable and, if you intend to vote Tory, then you’ve nothing to worry or complain about.”

It has been expected that the Government would introduce cost-cutting measures that would simply remove the requirement to hold elections as, really, there isn’t any need for them because most people agree that the Tories should win anyway.

But it would appear that is being left until next year, when it is expected that the population will be even more servile, docile and stupid.

A Cabinet of Arseholes – find out who made the cut HERE!