Bill Gates and wife to divorce after she discovers his massive 5G surveillance lab

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Bill Gates and his wife Melinda are running on separate platforms as of this morning, according to reports.

The split comes after Mrs Gates noticed that Bill was spending an increasing amount of time in his shed, which is attached to the side of a very large mountain.

On confronting him, his wife said Gates confessed to everything in front of a bank of five billion flickering monitors, many of which had an error message of some variety.

Mrs Gates told reporters, “I walked in on Bill just as he was trying to fix the switch that controls Ryan Giggs.

“He’d pretty much given up on it and was ready to call Tech Support.”

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The tearful but financially secure Melinda continued, “It seems obvious to me that we are at very different points in our lives. I want to concentrate on my creative writing and various charities.

“Bill is more focussed on controlling humanity via a series of microchips secreted inside the Johnson & Johnson vaccine.”

Earlier today, Melinda sought to downplay reports that she has switched to Apple boss, Tim Cook.

She added, “For sure – Tim’s a real nice guy.

“I just don’t think we’re that compatible.”