Monday 3 May 2021 by Dan Sweryt

Brummie accent perfect cover for criminal mastermind, insists BBC


Line of Duty Mastermind

The Brummie accent is the perfect cover for a criminal mastermind, say the bigwigs at the BBC, because they think Brummies are all idiots because of the way they speak.

Studies in the past have shown that more than a quarter of British people feel discriminated against because of the way they speak.

However, the BBC has tried to be a bit more ‘equal opportunities’ in recent time, with attempts to ensure that regional accents do not affect a person’s job prospects, even if they do need to appear both incompetent and a disappointing leading figure in an Organised Criminal Gang.

Recently-promoted-despite-his-obvious-incompetence, BBC Trust executive, Simon ‘Haitch-even-though-there’s-definately-no-H-in-his-name’ Williams, said, “There’s naaa woy anny brummie cud get ter the top of an organisation, is the’er?

“Nariun of us sound intelligent enough ter rise through the ranks.

“Because, yaouw knoo, accents are better than ninety-fiv’ percent of all exams, aren’t theey?

“It’s a bostin job we can loff at ourselves, ainnit?”

A BBC CHIS who wished to remain nameless said, “No, no-one here thinks Simon’s an idiot.

“I mean, he could be, but we don’t understand a word he’s saying.

“Still, he’s an ideal fall guy as no-one will question it when the next scandal’s pinned upon him.”

I was arrested by AC-12 and all I got was a new identity and a lovely house in the countryside – see the T-shirt HERE!

I was arrested by AC-12 and all I got was a new identity and a lovely house in the countryside – see the T-shirt HERE!

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