Six tomato plants refusing to speak to Prince Charles over Harry

Prince Charles’ refusal to take calls from his son Harry has spilled over into the plant world, it has emerged.

In retaliation for his silent treatment of Prince Harry and Meghan, the future king’s regular morning chat with the contents of his greenhouse was met with a stony wall of silence earlier today.

Among the plants who no longer wish to converse with Charles Windsor on a daily basis are six tomato plants, a herbaceous border shrub, and a bunch of hydrangeas.

Tomato plant, Simon Williams, said, “For years I’ve sat here photosynthesizing and have had to listen to the details of his shitty marriage to Diana – gawd bless her.

“Well, it stops here and it stops now. There’s only so much a solanum lycopersicum can take.

“The big-eared twat.”

However, despite the rift, Charles is thought to retain the support of approximately fifty-two per cent of his marigolds and some racist gladioli.

“How can we put it?” said one, “but we never really approved of Harry’s choice of bride.

“Meghan was always a little too exotic for our tastes – if you catch our drift.”

Williams added, “You see what it’s like? I have to share a greenhouse with that lot.

“Phew it’s hot in here. Bring that watering can over will you, sweetheart, and open a window for fuck’s sake.”

Advertisement

NewsThumpNotebooks

Somewhere to write down everything that’s wrong with the world. You may need several.

See the full collection →