Sunday 7 March 2021 by Pete Redfern

Nigel Farage quits politics to spend more time angrily yelling at the sea

Nigel Farage angrily shouting at the sea

It appears that Nigel Farage has quit politics for good. Again.

Nigel Farage has today announced that he will be stepping down as the leader of the Reform Party, presumably to allow himself more time to spend rage-wanking over refugees huddled in dinghies off the coast of Kent.

“I’m stepping down now because Brexit has been delivered and is a resounding success, as I promised it would be,” he told reporters outside his home in Kent this morning, queues of lorries visible in the distance behind him.

“Britain is now in the sunlit uplands of Brexit – the NHS is flush with cash, the fishing industry has never been better, and we have struck up amazing trade deals with major world players like Mongolia and Fiji.

“My work here is done.”

Political commentator Simon Williams responded to the announcement with a shake of his head, telling us “Oh, I expect he’ll be back in some form or another in a year or two; he’s like the Ebola virus, only worse because he’s more discriminatory.

“This is just something Nigel does when he realises everything he promised isn’t going as well as he’d hoped – he ‘quits’.”

He went on, “I imagine he’ll be back with a newly formed party sooner or later, but in the meantime, he’ll be spending his days on Ramsgate harbour yelling at dinghies of refugees with Twitter up on his phone in one hand and his cock in the other.”

It is unclear who will replace Nigel Farage as leader of the Reform Party, but there are growing fears that Laurence Fox might put himself up for the role.

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