Saturday 6 March 2021 by Gary Stanton

Thank f*ck I’m not Keir Starmer, insists Jürgen Klopp


Jugen Klopp

Out of favour Liverpool FC boss, Jürgen Klopp, is thanking fuck he is not the leader of the Labour Party in this moment.

As latest polling figures showed Starmer’s team trailing the Tories by thirteen points, the former human rights lawyer admitted he had abandoned all hope of a place in Europe.

Klopp’s sober assessment comes after Starmer continued to miss the biggest open goal since reluctant gay icon, Diana Ross, was advised to take a penalty by pretending the ball was Peter Tatchell’s head.

Klopp said, “I have seen the VAR of Starmer’s performance at the dispatch box and he is always coming in too late with the challenge.

“Most of the time, he is not even challenging at all.

“This is not a good moment for him.”

Meanwhile, Klopp rejected claims that his attack on Labour’s neatly coiffured drip was an attempt to deflect criticism after five consecutive home defeats, one of them against the blue shite.

“It is true, we are not in a good moment, in this moment,” Klopp told reporters.

“As it is, we are only seven points behind Leicester.

“If my team were so far behind the Conservatives in this moment, then I’d maybe think about bringing on Clive Lewis.”

Klopp added, “It is after all very many moments since he is making this remark about spit-roasting the goat with Ed Miliband.”

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