Wednesday 24 February 2021 by Mark Molloy

‘Vaccine passports will definitely not be mandatory’ insists government, ‘unless you want to leave the house’

Michael Gove on vaccine passports

The government has confirmed today that so called ‘vaccine passports’ will not become mandatory for all UK adults, until at least next month when of course they will if you wish to actually leave your house and visit real-life places.

With debates already raging around the complex subject of vaccine certification for travel and hospitality, senior minister and fuckwit Michael Gove, who has been placed in charge of this particular future shambles has revealed today that ‘passports’ or certificates will definitely not be compulsory for members of the public, as long as they don’t want to go anywhere, or actually get a job.

Speaking earlier he told us, “No we definitely won’t be forcing people to prove they have had a vaccine, that would just be unethical.

“Unless of course, they want to do anything at all and actually leave the house, then yes obviously they will be gradually brought in next month.

“But providing you don’t want to go on holiday, or to the cinema, or the theatre, or a restaurant, or the pub, then you definitely won’t need any documentation verifying your vaccination status.

“Oh and probably some shops as well, and maybe indoor concerts and shows, and swimming too, and maybe even sporting events, but other that, you will be fine.”

Asked about prospects for employment if you haven’t got a vaccine passport, we were told, “Well obviously that’s out of our hands what employers will require.

“And by ‘out of our hands’ I mean we will just ignore the issue and hope it goes away.”

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