The Premier League’s top new European signings from Deadline Day are now all stuck on a lorry in Calais for the next three weeks whilst they wait for the correct paperwork to come through.
New £750m Manchester City and almost French international defender Simone Guilliame, said, “I was extremely impressed with the set-up and ambition of the club, with quite a few hours being sold to me via Zoom, as – like everybody else – we just couldn’t get Teams to work properly.
“I signed straight away and packed a bag ready for my flight.
“Unfortunately, there are no flights at the moment, and Brexit is only making things worse. So what’s actually happened is that all the footballers travelling to England from Europe have all been bundled up and shrink-wrapped on pallets for the journey.
“This seemed bad enough, but then we got stopped just before the lorry could get on the ferry at Calais. It turns out there are a lot of work permit, visa and customs applications due to us being seen by the teams as ‘goods’, and we’ve been told that – in the best case scenario – this will take three weeks to resolve.
“And from then it only got worse, as the entire lorry only had a single sandwich to share between them, as new West Brom signing Okay Yokuslu was the only one who had brought his lunch with him.
“And we were just figuring out how to split it between dozens of us when the customs official came in and removed the ham!
“Honestly, I feel sorry for all the fish.”