Friday 8 January 2021 by Neil Tollfree

Rumour: Is Gavin Williamson about to be replaced by a small yappy dog called Muffy?


Gavin Williamson to be replaced

With Education Secretary Gavin Williamson’s ability to put on a pair of shoes, let alone manage the country’s education system, regularly called into doubt, many commentators believe he is certain to lose his job in the near future.

But who will replace him?

Interestingly, the current favourite is not Oliver Dowden, Simon Hart, or another anonymous man in a cheap suit so desperate to get on television that they’re prepared to work with sociopath and Tory party leader Boris Johnson.

The current favourite to replace Gavin Williamson is a small yappy dog called Muffy.

“Look, it’s not as if there’s a wealth of talent in the Tory party at the moment. The only ones with any sort of ability are so morally comprised that they’re most likely dealing arms to Iran or having sex with the cat,” said one Tory insider.

“We just need someone in place less incompetent at running the country’s education than Williamson. Muffy certainly fits that criteria.

“She’s a bit irritating with the constant yapping, but no more so than Williamson. She also doesn’t demand a huge salary or expenses and if she wants to shit on the floor, she at least takes herself into the garden first.

“Taken all together, I’m convinced that replacing Gavin Williamson with Muffy the dog would put the education of British children in considerably safer hands… well, paws.”

Other contenders to replace Williamson include a potted plant, some gravel, and Bridget ‘the Midget’ McClusky from Grange Hill.

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the face mask and T-shirt here!

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