Friday 8 January 2021 by HappyToast

Thanos calls for calm after failed attempt at destroying humanity


Thanos apology

Intergalactic super-criminal Thanos has addressed the nation, calling for those that attempted to wipe out the Earth at his prompting to be punished.

Thanos, the purple-skinned destroyer of worlds, returned to Twitter today after being temporarily banned for his actions, to call for calm and to assure the people of Earth that those responsible for recent events would be arrested, whoever they were.

“I’d like to begin by addressing the heinous attack on the planet Earth,” He began, speaking from a hastily prepared official-looking podium.

“Like all of you, I am outraged by the violence, lawlessness and mayhem we have witnessed recently. I immediately deployed the Avengers to secure the Infinity Stones and expel the intruders. The Earth is, and must always be, a planet free from Alien overlords.”

He went on to blame the ‘hot tempers’ caused by many years of threats to humanity, in which some critics have included his own gathering of the infinity stones and snapping half of all life out of existence.

As he continued to urge peace Thanos distanced himself from the many alien soldiers and super beings he had previously encouraged to come to Earth and fight for him in his attempt at complete control.

A campaign which he repeatedly claimed to have won despite all the evidence to the contrary and the numerous failed legal challenges by his lawyer, Rudy Giuliani.

Thanos concluded his speech by saying that his last four years of attacks on the Earth were only just the beginning.

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