Millions of atheists get sudden urge to enjoy a bit of communal worship with their families on Christmas Day

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Millions of atheists across London and the South East have had a sudden urge to go and do some prayers with their extended families on Christmas morning.

Staunch atheist Simon Williams just happened to be watching Boris Johnson address the nation at 4pm this afternoon when he felt strangely compelled to make plans to go into a church next Friday.

“I can’t explain it at all,” he told us, “which as a scientist naturally bothers me.

“But somewhere between Boris beginning his address and ending it, I thought it might be nice to pop along to a church on Christmas Day that just happens to be equidistant between my house and my brother’s house.

“My family had planned to meet up with him and his family on Christmas Day, which is of course now out of the question given we’re now in Tier 4, but weirdly he also felt an urge to go into this halfway church on Christmas Day, which is a real coincidence.

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“Perhaps it’s fate, or divine intervention, or something.”

He continued, “Anyway, we’ll be taking some Christmas Crackers along to the church service, for no reason at all, and also all the presents we were going to give each other, as we might as well exchange those if they just happen to be there at the same time, to do prayers and stuff.”

Pausing for thought he went on, “Do you know if the vicar will let us put out our roast turkey and all the trimmings on the altar? Would be a shame not to, especially if my extended family are coincidentally worshipping there at the same time.”

Another atheist, Eleanor Gay, told us, “My parents and I are feeling a weird urge to go to a Gurdwara for a bit of communal worship on the 25th, despite not being Sikhs.

“Nothing to do with the fact that they traditionally offer free delicious food to anyone who drops in.”

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