Saturday 19 December 2020 by Pete Redfern

Boris Johnson hails successful trial of 20-mile post-Brexit lorry tailbacks in Kent


Boris Johnson on Brexit tailbacks

There were lorry tailbacks stretching for over twenty miles in Kent yesterday, an occurrence which the Prime Minister has said bodes extremely well for life in Brexit Britain.

Lorries were queued back along the M20 from Dover for around twenty miles, providing a glimpse into the reality of border checks if no trade deal with the EU is agreed before January 1st 2021.

“These tailbacks might well be commonplace after Brexit, and they are entirely the fault of the EU for some reason,” said Boris Johnson to reporters this morning.

“So having trial runs like this will put us all in good stead for life as an independent nation, with full control over our borders and the freedom to cause incredible delays to haulage companies and disruption to supply lines, all in the name of regaining our sovereignty, whatever that means.

“With a bit of mental gymnastics, you could almost view them as one of the Brexit dividends. Somehow.

“And no one died as a result, did they? In fact, the lorry drivers had plenty of extra time to enjoy the lovely views of the Kent countryside. Well, when they weren’t pissing into an empty Pepsi bottle.”

He concluded, “There’s no harm to be had in sitting in a lorry for an extra six or seven hours, is there? All the more time to reflect on how jolly lucky we are to be taking back control of our borders and sticking two fingers up at the EU, eh?”

One lorry driver, Simon Williams, told us, “It’s been such a long day and I’ve only driven about three hundred yards.

“But on the plus side, I have pissed in Nigel Farage’s garden, so swings and roundabouts.

“And even better, I’ll need a shit if I’m still in this queue in another four hours.”

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