Boris Johnson ‘hoping to avoid’ national lockdown by having national free-for-all for five days

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Boris Johnson has advised today that he is hoping to avoid another national lockdown in England in the New year, by having a national free for all for five days over Christmas.

With infection rates continuing to rise across the country, with the R number now back above 1 in the UK, the Prime minister has assured the nation that he will do everything he can to avoid another full national lockdown early next year, by letting everyone do whatever the fuck they want from Wednesday next week.

Speaking earlier today he told us “Obviously we are hoping we can avoid having to place the country into a full lockdown in January because we have lost control of the virus.

“That’s why we have placed the majority of the country into the toughest tier of restrictions, for the next five days, before allowing an absolute free-for-all of pissed up partying over the whole of the Christmas period, before everyone then secretly meets up again to get pissed up on New Year’s eve as well.

“We are doing everything we possibly can as a government to prevent the rise of infections, stop a further lockdown, and ultimately save lives, by asking people to maybe try to behave, if it’s not too much trouble, but if they don’t it’s ok, because it’s Christmas.”

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Asked what the consequences are if people don’t follow the guidelines already in place and choose to meet in even larger groups, we were told, “Stop being a Grinch, it’s Chriiiiistmasss.”

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