Thursday 3 December 2020 by Arabin Patson

Nation proud as UK gets to be the first country to completely f*ck-up a COVID 19 mass vaccination

Boris Johnson rolling out vaccines

The government proudly announced that the entire world will be watching when it inevitably turns the vaccine rollout into an unmitigated disaster that will see billions wasted on tragicomic errors like immunising the same police horse 7000 times.

The Ministry of Health issued a statement highlighting the UK’s role as a global leader in buying stuff.

“We were the laughing stock of the world but now everyone will be watching as we balls up the kind of mass vaccination programs that governments in the fifties used to routinely undertake with great success.

“They will marvel as we accidentally ship three-million doses to the Falklands by submarine.

“They will gasp as we rank fox hunters as a higher priority for immunisation than NHS pulmonologist.

“They will gape as we send 20,000 people to a field near Ashford to stare pointlessly at a group of Coldstream Guards who have not been given a single syringe.

“This will be a showcase of everything that Global Britain stands for.”

However, some international observers have cautioned that Britain might not be the pioneer it aspires to be. As confirmed Sigmund Wilhelms of the Frankfurter Allgemeine newspaper.

“It will be fascinating but I’m not sure we will be able to learn much, as we have a radically different government set-up.

“For example, we don’t allow botoxed reality TV show participants to be ministers of health or give huge medical supplies contracts to the landlord of our local bierkeller.

“And we already know that the list of vaccinated people should not be put on one solitary USB drive that will be given to an overworked minor official who is going through a bad divorce.

“As you inevitably will.”

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