Thursday 3 December 2020 by Dan Sweryt

High Street footfall finally increases as administrators pile into every store


High Street administrators packing stores

Footfall across the UK’s high streets has massively increased as hundreds of thousands of administrators flood into stores country-wide.

Empty high streets were replaced by millions of besuited funereal professional staff, surging into stores to protect low-cost stock and ignoring high-value items such as pension funds because rich people have probably already got their filthy hands on them.

Witness and committed hoi polloi, Christopher James, said, “Honestly, they were queuing to get into Debenhams this morning. It was like Black Friday, but with clipboards.

“Someone, their supervisor I imagine, opened the doors and they swarmed in all over the place marking their territory with little stickers and ticking boxes on their clipboards reclaiming stock.”

Chief administrator, Simon Williams Esq., said, “In this country of capitalism-at-all-costs, it’s great that one industry can thrive as another one fails.

“Of course, once every single shop is closed – currently expected to be sometimes towards the latter half of next week – administrators will have to turn on each other, cannibalising the very business of cannibalising businesses, until a single administrator rules all, forcing it to eat itself to survive.”

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