Police have arrested a tall Caucasian man answering only to the name of Dr Pedro Shiltoni in connection with the untimely death of football legend Diego Maradona.
Reports suggest the reclusive 71-year-old moved to Buenos Aires recently, barely speaks a word of Spanish and is known to locals as El Doctor Ingles.
Although Maradona is understood to have died of a heart attack, there are worrying signs that, prior to his coronary, he may have been bored to death by someone with far less talent.
Policio Superintendentio, Simeoni Williamsio, said, “There were telltale signs of burst capillaries in the ears of Maradona, which are consistent with listening to a two-hour lecture on sportsmanship.
“Since his arrest, we have retrieved a number of items from Dr Shiltoni’s home such as laptops, mobile phones and a fourth-placed medal from Italia 90.
“However, despite our interrogations, Dr Shiltoni has been consistent in feeding us the same line in response to our questions.
“In fact, he rarely comes off it.”
Meanwhile, Dr Shiltoni’s defence team claims he had done “everything he could, up to the impossible to save Mr Maradona”, such as outjumping a man twelve inches shorter than him.
Simeoni added, “Should Mr Shiltoni be convicted of any wrongdoing, it is highly likely that he will face a series of harsh penalties.
“Like the five he let in against Germany.”