Government looks to avoid third wave of infections, by extending second wave by three months

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The government has revealed plans to avoid a deadly third wave of coronavirus infections today by extending the current second wave by up to three months.

With current lockdown restrictions due to end this week in favour of the previous useless three-tier system, concerns over a potential deadly third wave of infections beginning early next year have been quickly quelled by the government by announcing that they will be extending the current deadly second wave of infections until at least March.

A spokesperson for the government revealed, “We’re not stupid you know.

“A third wave of infections would be a nightmare for the country with lots of extra deaths, and more importantly, everyone would be saying we did everything wrong again in the second wave.

“That’s why we have decided to extend the second wave for as long as we possibly can, with a number of ineffective measures aimed at continuing the current wave of infections well into next year, to ultimately avoid that unwelcome third wave.

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“This includes reverting to a three-tier system which we know is actually useless, followed by allowing families to just do what the fuck they want for five days over Christmas like the virus doesn’t exist.”

Asked if they could consider trying to avoid any new wave of infections whatsoever, with a more effective form of restrictions, we were told, “Well yes, that’s what we said, just carry on like we are. Are you not listening?”

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