A Turkey which was killed, plucked, eviscerated, stuffed, cooked and then eaten last Thursday has submitted a lawsuit to the Pennsylvania Third Circuit Court claiming to have won Thanksgiving and demanding the result be overturned.
The over oversized, notoriously stupid bird said in a signed affidavit that it had witnessed serious irregularities in the Thanksgiving process, which included it being put in an oven with potatoes and greens for more than three hours in a clear breach of what should have happened.
“I have witnesses,” it said in a statement.
“Witnesses prepared to swear that my being trussed up and then basted was unfairly biased against me, when the proper outcome was me continuing to live in a nice big farm in Wisconsin with all my food and shelter for free.
“If you believe the mainstream media, millions of Americans voluntarily killed and ate a great fat woodland fowl and then celebrated, which is simply not credible.”