Donald Trump denies it is Monday, accuses Democrats of rigging the weekend

author avatar by 3 years ago

The weekend should have had millions more wonderful, terrific days if they had not been stolen by the Deep State, according to a tweet from Donald Trump today.

Promising extensive, crowdfunded lawsuits would follow, the President said that he would defend the integrity of the American weekend and make whoever had stolen ‘innumerable’ days regret it.

Already supporters are tweeting under the hashtag ‘Riggedweekend’ to demand the return of the days off they are rightfully due.

Speaking from the White House, today’s Press Secretary – who will be gone tomorrow so we didn’t bother remembering his name – told us that the American people had legitimate concerns about their weekend having only two days in it, and all legal avenues remained open to retrieving the others.

“We believe that George Soros is keeping the stolen days in a huge grain silo in Frankfurt and goes swimming in them”, he said. “The President saw something very like it in a cartoon yesterday so it must be true.”

NewsThump Hoodies

However, Pennsylvania weekday auditor Simon-Bob Williams disagreed.

“We counted the number of of days in the weekend and it was just the same as last time”, he told us.

“In fact, the Trump campaign has just paid me three million dollars to do it again, so here goes.”

“One, two. Yep, same as last time.”