The nation has been left puzzled today by unconfirmed reports that Dominic Cummings will be leaving Downing Street before Christmas, ahead of Britain leaving the EU without a trade deal on January 1st 2021.
Following the resignation of Lee Cain, an unelected man we’d never heard of yet who apparently held a lot of power, Dominic Cummings, another unelected official who was famous for his habit of spreading Coronavirus the length of the country, is allegedly heading off too.
“This is most peculiar,” political commentator Simon Williams told us this morning, shaking his head.
“Dominic Cummings was the former director of Vote Leave, and as such was instrumental in securing the Brexit vote. He then spent years worming his way into Downing Street to ensure he had Boris Johnson’s testicles in the palm of his hand so that he could bend him to his will as he pleased.
“It’s just very strange that he would want to walk away from it just weeks before Britain enters the triumphant sunlit uplands of the no-deal Brexit he has been orchestrating all along.”
He concluded, “Guess he’s just a humble kind of guy who doesn’t want all the praise that will inevitably be headed his way.”
From the twenty thousand pound boutique shepherd’s writing hut in his garden, former Prime Minister David Cameron told us, “There’s nothing worse than setting the country on a massively self-destructive path and then buggering off and not facing the consequences.
“He should be ashamed of himself.”