Friday 6 November 2020 by James Backhouse

Donald Trump calls on election officials not to count any votes which came in after 2016

Donald Trump wants to exclude all votes cast since 2016

White House squatter Donald Trump renewed his calls for vote counting to stop in battleground states, demanding that officials only consider votes which were received in November 2016.

“The people have spoken!” insisted Mr Trump “Why the heck are these guys counting votes which came in four years after the election?

“My victory was a beautiful result, can’t we just use that again? It’s a great idea, right? And before the failing mainstream media say anything, by the way, I’m not just stuck in the past, which is more than I can say for crooked Hillary Clinton and her emails. Barack Obama was stuck in the past too, and lyin’ Jimmy Carter, and by the way, the Flintstones sucked and had terrible ratings.

“Can we please forget this fake absentee ballot nonsense and concentrate on the important numbers? How many people watched me claim victory the other night? I bet it was a ratings hit!”

According to Pennsylvania vote counter Simone Williams, “We’re working our asses off and we’re getting a bit tired of these accusations that we’re fraudulently skewing the results, but to be honest, every time Trump tweets about us being fraudulent, the idea gets a little more tempting.

“How about we meet him halfway, if we stop counting just the votes for Trump would that be an acceptable compromise?”

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