“Donald who?” says Republican party

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The Grand Old Party of American politics has denied ever meeting Donald Trump or even knowing who he is, according to reports today.

Trump, who was until several minutes ago the figurehead of their party and represented everything they said they wanted and stood for, has already been airbrushed out of official pictures and biographies of major party figures.

Texas Senator Ted Cruz, who has spent the last four years with his nose buried firmly between the butt cheeks of a man who insulted his wife, went on the record to insist he had never even heard the name ‘Donald Trump’, and if they had met he certainly couldn’t remember doing so.

“Dinald Tromp? Danny Troop?” he asked reporters with a confused expression.

“I’m sorry, but the name doesn’t ring any bells. You’re telling me he was President? For my party? Nonsense, I’m sure I would have heard if he was.

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“Anyway, I’ve not been to the White House in years – I’ve been much too busy laying some new decking at home, and clearing out my garage, so I’ve no idea what might have been going on there.”

Meanwhile, Kentucky Senator Mitch McConnell, leader of the House Republicans, released a copy of his diary which appeared to show he had no contact with Trump in the last six years.

“I don’t know how these rumours get about,” he said,

“But me and Donald Trump? You must be crazy if you think I’d ever have anything to do with that guy.”

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