Friday 6 November 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Donald Trump announces plan to hold breath until he’s allowed to be President again


Trump holding his breath

Future former President Donald Trump has issued a bold plan to hold his breath until he is allowed to keep the Presidency.

He announced his plan in a tweet that read – “It’s mine. It’s mine. You can’t take it away. It’s mine. I’m the President and if you try and stop me being President then I’m going to hold my breath until I’m allowed to keep being President and if I die then it’s ALL YOUR FAULT.”

It is understood that he has now retreated to the Oval Office where he will use the potty and then begin holding his breath.

Prominent Republicans have stepped up to support the President.

“I don’t believe anyone wants the President to hurt himself by holding his breath,” said leading lickspittle Ted Cruz.

“So, I think that, regardless of the outcome of these so-called ‘votes,’ we should simply let him keep being President.

“As anyone who has ever raised children will know, the very best way to react to tantrums when they don’t get their own way is to give in to their demands unequivocally, every single time.”

Mr Trump’s son Eric offered to hold his breath in support of his father’s attempt to keep the Presidency, but no one was really that bothered.

The daring new electoral strategy comes just a few short hours after he appeared in a bizarre press conference which saw him smear the walls of the White House with what appeared to be his own excrement and then scream and scream until his face turned blue and he passed out.

Delicious MAGA Tears – get the mug HERE!

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