Friday 6 November 2020

God hears the prayers of Donald Trump’s enthusiastic evangelical supporters, says ‘No’

Christina evangelical Trump supporters told no

God has listened intently over the last forty-eight hours as evangelical Christian supporters of Donald Trump across America have prayed for a Trump victory in the Presidential election, but has decided to tell them ‘no’.

As the remaining swing states continue to edge towards a Biden victory, the rate and ferocity of prayers from evangelicals has escalated, but God has insisted this will makes no difference to his decision.

He told us, “I’ve never understood why you think jumping around like a toddler chewing Adderral while you pray is going to make me pay attention.  It’s actually a bit embarrassing. The angels often share clips amongst themselves for entertainment.

“Look, I’m always happy to listen to a prayer, but I don’t always agree with the requests.  You only have to look at the average professional football game – half the players praying for a victory are disappointed, and this election is no different.

“The thing is, as I keep telling you, time and time again, I gave you ‘free will’ – and the people seem to have used that free will to express a preference for Joe Biden.  The fact that you don’t like that, isn’t my problem.

“Stop trying to get me to change the result. It’s done.”

God went on to say there were some who were thoroughly enjoying the prolonged count.

“My son Lucifer is absolutely loving all of this though – he’s in all of your ears telling you about fraudulent votes, and the election being stolen, and for some reason, you were very easily persuaded.”

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