Friday 6 November 2020 by Davywavy

Saruman refusing to leave Orthanc, accuses Ents, Hobbits of ‘stealing’ Isengard


Saruman refusing to leave orthanc

Saruman of many colours and his chief of staff Grima Wormtongue have pledged to start legal action against Treebeard today, after they blamed the fall of Isengard on ‘cheating’.

The leader of the White Council has refused to even consider leaving his tower and claims victory in his recent battle with the Ents, despite having watched his goblins being stamped on, squashed to mush and hurled bodily over the walls with his own eyes.

Calling Treebeard ‘Sleepy Fangorn’, for his slow manner of speaking and habit of nodding off for several hundred years at a time, Saruman said that diverting the river and washing all his orcs into a pit was against the rules and intended to bring a lawsuit to overturn the result.

“You really expect me to believe that two hobbits managed to muster an army of Ents when they couldn’t even get three hundred attendees to Bilbo Baggins’ birthday party?” said Wormtongue in a statement over Palantir.

“They lacked Saruman’s energy. He was regularly pulling crowds of ten-thousand Uruk-Hai to his rallies so where did all these so-called ‘Tree Shepherds’ suddenly come from out of nowhere?

“And the names these hobbits use – ‘Meriadoc’,  ‘Peregrine’. They’re obviously fake, and probably foreign. Are they even eligible to tear down the walls of Isengard and douse the great furnaces? We deserve to know.”

Many of the free peoples of middle-earth are understood to have been broadly supportive of Saruman until more than 200,000 trees were chopped down to support the economy.

“A wizard should know better,” we were told.

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