Tuesday 20 October 2020 by Mark Molloy

Shootout agreed at High Noon to finally decide Greater Manchester Covid restrictions


duelling pistols to sort manchester Tier 3 issue

Dramatic news is emerging this morning of a western-style shootout to take place at high noon today to finally make a decision regarding the ongoing and drawn-out bitter dispute over Covid restrictions for Greater Manchester.

As heated exchanges continue this morning between representatives from both parties, with both sides unwilling to budge on their stance for days on end even as people continue to die in the region, an unprecedented agreement has finally been reached to finally decide matters by way of a shootout, at high noon in Trafalgar Square.

A Spokesman for the government revealed, “It’s the only way we can sort this. It’s unprecedented, but quite frankly, we’re out of ideas.

“Obviously we can’t proceed and agree with their proposals, as that would make us look soft, and of course cost a lot of money.

“And we can’t just make them go into Tier 3 either, because that will make us look bad, like we don’t give a shit about the north.

“So we are going to have to decide this the old school way, at midday, with a shootout in the centre of London.”

With Mayor Andy Burnham already agreeing to the duel on behalf of Greater Manchester, the government is frantically looking for a suitable candidate to take the gun for Westminster.

“We need someone fast, quick-witted, lethal, a winner, someone who is going to get this right and win the contest. Someone who won’t let us down. But someone who won’t be missed if they do.

“We are thinking Chris Grayling.”

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