New Government think-tank created to set out which minority group to scapegoat next

Prime Minister Boris Johnson has created a new think tank which will be dedicated to finding a new minority group to blame for the Tories’ inability to run a country.

“The problem that we’ve had is that Brexit has been too successful,” explained a Government insider.

“Over the past ten years, we’ve just implied that immigrants were to blame for most people’s decreased living standards and pretty much everything that went wrong, even though much of it was actually brought about by our ludicrous ‘austerity’ nonsense.

“The Daily Mail has run with that and put this image in most people’s heads of immigrants as mad-eyed paedophiles with bombs strapped to their face who want to move their family of 94 into your shed and radicalise the dog.

“Now, with a no-deal Brexit being on our very near horizon, and us possibly putting an end to what the voters think is unchecked immigration, we’re going to need another group of people to blame for the fact that the only people who’ve done well out of this country under a Tory Government are all called Tarquin.

“I mean, we’re not going stop immigration, obviously. We’re not idiots, they’re hugely beneficial in economic terms – but we’d rather not have to explain to Carl the bricklayer why we’ve let in another programmer from Bangladesh.  So we need someone else to blame when they realise the nation is still letting in a lot of people with funny-sounding accents.

The think tank will be made up of senior Tories, Daily Mail ‘reporters,’ total bastards, and Satan.

It is expected the think tank will initially focus on the viability of scapegoating either nurses, cats, smurfs, former members of Bucks Fizz, or the population of Chelmsford.

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