Monday 7 September 2020 by Gary Stanton

NHS patients forced to wait up to three weeks to see Ian Brown from the Stone Roses


Ian Brown NHS waiting lists

Patients displaying symptoms of COVID-19 are having to wait up to three weeks to book an appointment with former Stone Roses’ frontman, Ian Brown, it has emerged.

The Mancunian singer revealed his medical pedigree over the weekend with a Tweet which finally settled the debate surrounding the efficacy of testing, masks and vaccines.

Brown’s tweet, which is still up there if you want to have a look, stated:

“NO LOCKDOWN NO TESTING NO MASKS NO VAX. I AM THE RESURRECTION AND I AM THE LIGHT.”

In addition to being a purveyor of baggy tunes that rocked dancefloors across the UK in the early 1990s, Brown used time left over when he wasn’t stoned to pursue a medical degree at Salford University.

The band later split owing to a rift between Brown and ace guitarist John Squires, neither of whom could agree on the most suitable treatment for infants with suspected viral meningitis who are otherwise asymptomatic.

Meanwhile, the coronavirus continues to ravage Dr Brown’s native North-West and its after-effects have left many former Roses’ fans feeling weaker than the band’s second album.

Mr Brown’s receptionist, Simone Williams, who once provided backing vocals for the New Fast Automatic Daffodils, said, “Patients who are unable to register as a patient with Dr Brown are advised that alternative appointments can be made with former 808 State collaborator MC Tunes, whose surgery is proper banging.

“Failing that, there’s always Dr Dermo from Northside. He’s great with genital problems and you can talk to him about anything when he isn’t tripping off his tits.”

She added, “Chooooooooooooooooooon!”

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