Tuesday 18 August 2020 by Neil Tollfree

Gavin Williamson successfully puts on his shoes


Gavin Williamson puts on shoes

Following Gavin Williamson’s deft handling of the A-Level crisis comes another triumph for the up-and-coming minister after the Department for Education has announced that he successfully put on his own shoes this morning.

Mr Williamson has been trying, without success, to put on his own shoes for some forty years now, which makes his achievement all the more impressive.

“He actually came very close to putting on his own shoes in that cold winter a few years ago,” said aide Simon Williams.

“Sadly, he got a bit confused with the laces and accidentally set fire to the bin.”

Mr Williamson managed to put on his own shoes at approximately 7.20am this morning when he left home for his constituency office.

“I met him at his front door, as usual, to help put on his shoes but he slapped me away and said ‘no Si, this time I really think I can do it,” continued the aide.

“Sure enough, forty short minutes later, he was standing there proudly in his shoes without any help at all.

“I gave him a little clap and we set off for the office.

“I can only hope he masters wiping his own arse soon,” he added, ruefully.

The announcement that Mr Williamson has successfully put on his own shoes has seen his political stock rise, with many people now believing his new-found talent puts him in the top 20% of government ministers in terms of competence.

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