Monday 17 August 2020

Government’s exam results U-turn upgraded to an F-turn


Boris U-turn upgraded to an F-turn

The government has announced a major U-turn on predicted exam results, which will ensure the U-turn is now referred to as an F-turn.

With an announcement imminent that the government will revert to predicted grades for A-Levels and GCSEs instead those downgraded scores given by a faceless algorithm, the entire U-turn itself has been upgrades to an F-turn.

Government spokesperson Simon Williams told us, “Getting an F instead of a U can be the difference between a desperately unsatisfying career in daddy’s firm, or becoming a government minister with a high-profile portfolio, so the government being upgraded to an F-turn is something that should be applauded.

“I hope everyone recognises the excellent work the government has done here in only taking five days to F-turn on a thoroughly terrible idea that was utterly despised by everyone it touched.”

Meanwhile, the governments superforecasters have been asked if they need any help with their predictions, after the F-turn was necessitated by their inability to predict that a deeply flawed policy that was unnecessarily cruel to underprivileged children would be hated by absolutely everyone.

However, Williams concluded, “It’s entirely wrong to claim that Dominic Cummings’ crack team of superforecasters failed to predict the entire fall out associated with the exam shambles.

“They did. It’s just that they didn’t care.”

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