Tuesday 18 August 2020

Don’t worry, students and their families are pretty forgiving when elections come around, Nick Clegg tells government


Nick Clegg students

Former Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg has given the government some reassurance by pointing out that shafting a generation of students tends to have little or no lasting impact at the voting booth.

As the government continues to deal with the backlash associated with their U-turn on an exam results algorithm that penalised students from poorer areas, Nick Clegg has taken time out from his busy Facebook schedule to tell the government that in his experience, getting on the wrong side of students will have no long-term political consequences whatsoever.

He told reporters, “We found that making an unpopular policy decision that adversely affected students and their families was a bit uncomfortable, for a short while, but when the next election came around, all was forgiven.

“I mean, to an outsider, implementing such a discriminatory algorithm that has now cost students places at university and potentially a year of their lives might seem like a catastrophic error of judgement for which the government should be rightly punished.

“But in my experience, scorned students are a very forgiving lot. Sure, there was a bit of anger at first, but look at us now, ten years later having gone our separate ways and we’re all thriving. Them doing whatever they chose to do instead of accruing all that unexpected debt at university, and me being absolutely nowhere near the houses of parliament.

“I don’t know why people think this is a cautionary tale, it’s got a very happy ending. Have you seen my Facebook share options?”

A Cabinet of Arseholes – get the T-shirt here!

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