School uniform suppliers launch ‘my first hazmat suit’ range for concerned parents

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Parents concerned for the safety of their children upon their return to school have been offered peace of mind by opportunistic school uniform manufacturers who will now provide children’s Grade A  certified Hazmat suits in the school colours of your choice.

As thoughts move towards the new school year, many parents are still worried that their children will be exposed to the Coronavirus during lessons, and as such are willing to throw money at the problem.

School clothing manufacturer Simon Williams told us, “School uniforms have long been a lucrative business. It’s worth over a billion pounds a year in the UK alone, and now we’ve got the safety angle to work with so you can bet your arse we’re going to milk it.

“We’re offering parents a wide selection of protective garments designed to keep your child safe from a range of airborne and liquid threats.

“What’s more, we can tailor the colours to suit your school. No longer are we restricted to bright yellow, and we can give our all-in-one hazmat suits the appearance of your school uniform.

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“Just don’t sew their names into them please, that sort of defeats the object.”

Concerned mother of two Sharon Smith told us, “I’m really not sure what to do with the schools going back next month.

“On the one hand, the UK has one of the worst death rates on the planet, and the government handled the entire outbreak worse than pretty much every civilised country.

“But on the other hand, the man who was responsible for all that now tells me my children will be perfectly safe at school.

“So yeah, I’ll take two Hazmat suits please, and include the respirators.”