Thursday 9 July 2020 by Mark Molloy

Man about to be made redundant breathes huge sigh of relief, as half price cheeky Nando’s announced for August


Man happy with eat out to help out scheme

A man just days away from being made redundant has breathed an enormous sigh of relief today after learning he can now go out for a half-price meal that he can’t afford, on a Tuesday night in August.

As chancellor Rishi Sunak unveiled a number of measures yesterday to kickstart the economy, the so-called ‘eat out to help out’ scheme looked to offer diners the chance to flock to their local restaurant in their millions to enjoy 50% off the cost of a meal with a further 50% chance of infecting themselves with the very virus that caused this mess in the first place.

Furloughed shop assistant Simon Williams told us of his relief, “I thought this week was going to be awful, I really did.

“It’s clear that our shop is going under and I’m expecting the call any day this week to say my job has gone now that the furlough scheme is not being extended.

“But then my friend called me to tell me the amazing news about Nando’s. A tenner off a meal out in August, on a Monday to Wednesday, not including alcohol. Fucking result!

“I thought I would have nothing to look forward to except fear and despair over losing my job, but now I look forward to going out for a meal in a place I don’t really like, on a day that I don’t want to, while mixing with half the fucking country.”

Asked where he thinks he might use his £10 off voucher he told us, “Well it won’t be the fucking Ivy that’s for sure.”

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