Monday 6 July 2020 by Arabin Patson

Trump campaign terrified a Kanye candidacy could split the crucial arsehole vote


Kanye West running for president

Donald Trump bid for re-election was dealt another blow over the weekend as his fellow attention-seeker Kanye West announced he would run for President, threatening to peel off votes from Trump’s core support of malevolent pricks.

Although the campaign refused to comment officially, several insiders confessed they were seriously worried as Kanye West had the same sheer detestability that made Donald Trump a favourite for nasty little shits who prefer to be hated than ignored.

Simon Williams, a political YouTuber and full-time vile bellend, was one of many Trump-supporting repugnant turds who was truly excited by the prospect of a Kanye West presidency.

He told his merry band of social media followers, “I never thought I would see the day where I could find a better candidate than Donald Trump for making people around so angry they are forced to interact with me.

“But now that Kanye has thrown his hat in the ring I am torn. On the one hand, I am a traditional prick who likes to stay loyal to my tribe of irritating malcontents. But Kanye adds showbiz flair to his detestable wankery.

“Plus I would get to use his ethnicity as a shield when my family and colleagues rightly accuse me of being racist. Any black man who says being enslaved was a lifestyle choice is alright by me.”

The possible division of the human skidmark vote recalls the similar dilemma that faced the Tories in 2019 when it was feared the Brexit Party could siphon many wankstain ballots.

This led to the famous deal where Nigel Farage stood down half his candidates in exchange for a pickled egg and a guarantee he would never be extradited should Strasbourg police inspectors ask to speak to him about strangled Romanian prostitutes.

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