Government unveils £1.5bn support package for Mrs Brown’s Boys Live

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Leaders in the Arts industry are today breathing a sigh of relief as the government has announced it will grant a £1.5 billion rescue package to Mrs Brown’s Boys ‘D’Live Show’.

The government has finally decided to give the Arts sector some financial support to help it through the coronavirus pandemic.

“We thought long and hard about how best to use this money to ensure the long-term survival of theatre in the UK,” said Culture Secretary Oliver Dowden.

“Obviously with only a finite amount of funding available we felt it was best to focus on the crown jewels in the creative sector.

“Upon further analysis, we soon realised there was one shining diamond that towered above all other artistic achievements and that we should definitely give the whole lot to that one single production – Mrs Brown’s Boys Live.

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“Some may challenge the reasoning behind a decision to support one show at the expense of all other forms of theatre; to let museums and galleries die when this money could have saved them.

“But to those people, I say this – it doesn’t matter.

“Shakespeare has had his day. Mrs Brown’s Boys is now the soul of our nation. The TV show brings together our often divided country like nothing else – rich vs poor, old vs young, Remainer vs Brexiter – all the fault lines disappear when faced with a man in a dress adjusting his fake bosom for hilarious comic effect.

“Needless to say, the traditional two-part seasonal specials have long overtaken Jesus as the true meaning of Christmas.

“This £1.5 billion will nearly cover the cost of the acting lessons required to get Brendon O’Carroll’s family up to the level of ‘gifted amateurs’ and ensure ‘D’live Show’ can tour for decades to come – safeguarding broad, unfunny comedy for future generations.”

Simon Williams, Chair of the Society of UK Theatre said, “As appalling as this is I suppose we should just be grateful that the money’s not going to Cats.”