Monday 6 July 2020 by Arabin Patson

Heaven’s choirs of angels will now include whistling and a steel guitar


Ennio Morricone

The angelic choirs that provide music for Heaven are celebrating as legendary composer Ennio Morricone has departed the earthly realm and will now be showing the afterlife what a genius can do with a harmonica, a choir and a blank-firing Winchester.

Seraphim and second baritone, Simon Williams, explained that having Ennio Morricone coming over to conduct was the most exciting musical event beyond the Pearly Gates since David Bowie used literal stardust for his inaugural show.

He went on, “I’m a bit starstruck. Ennio’s the one who got me into music.

“I mainly used to do guardianship of sick people and the odd apparition for Americans with eyes rather close together. One day, I saw A Fistful of Dollars while watching over some sick woman in her home and I discovered Ennio’s amazing knack of using classical composition to make uplifting movies themes that were grandiose but still felt contemporary.

“I’m hoping I can talk to him, but I suspect he will want to speak to Sergio Leone first. It’s good they are finally back together. Sergio can show him the Italian quarter and they can talk about how they made Westerns cool and edgy after it had become a naff genre for fat men wearing brightly coloured bandanas.”

Seraphim Williams explained that Ennio Morricone was guaranteed a place on the right side of the Lord.

“Creative musicians always get a good spot, but the boss has loved Ennio since he saw The Mission. After all, he managed to make Jesuits seem awesome and even we hate those pricks.”

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